Got Some Press! Woop! Woop!

My campaign for Senate got some press coverage on the Cyber Indee! The website is an independent news website written by current mass communications major students for the news writing course. Next semester I am taking this course, thus me writing for the Indee.

You can view the article on my campaign by clicking here.

CURRENT WSU FRESHMAN: Email me if you would like to be added to the Jared Stene for WSU Senate email list! Full STENE ahead on April 5!



College Dems West Wing & Game Night 

Last night WSU College Dems held a West Wing & Games Night in the Student Union. The event produced massive crowds and was fairly entertaining.

Bushism: "Neither in French nor in English nor in Mexican." -Declining to answer reporters' questions at the Summit of Americas; Quebec City, Canada; April 21, 2001

Chicken Cook of the Week:

My room mate Bishwas, he can make some good chicken! 

Link of the Day: Vote a 10 on this photo for Jone's Soda! Its a cool picture and Greg is in it too! He's on the far left, the more "10" votes they get the better chances they have of getting on bottles of Jone's soda!

Reading on Hygrometer on Humidor: 71%
Current Resident's of The Humidor: 1 Monte Cristo, 2 Garcia & Vega English Coronas, 1 Cuban Sandwich Torpedo, 1 La Gloria Cubana Serie R, 4 Swisher Sweets. Cigars are owned by Brandon, Ocho, and Jared.

Dept. Of Justice: TiVo Used For Surveillance Activities

A TiVo box/surveillance device in the home of a Minnesota family.

WASHINGTON D.C. (SFP &FM)--Today in a news conference held by the Department of Justice, Deputy Press Secretary Todd McDobvanich admitted that several government bureaus and agencies are conducting surveillance activities through the use of TiVo boxes. The list of individuals being watched by the federal government still remains confidential, but customers with the TiVo service are being held hostage by the television enhancing device.

"Its pretty ridiculous" said one Woodbury, Minnesota man. "I mean I talk about how I am not down with Bush and is gang, then when I leave my place to go to the store and I'm pulled over by federal agents for a 'broken tail light' after they shoot at my car. Then I get imprisoned for 32 hours straight with out being able to make a phone call, that's not right."

An anonymous TiVo developer revealed that the United States government is capable of listening to any conversation that occurs in a 900 sq. foot radius of the TiVo box. Customers are lured to the TiVo service with features such as pausing live TV, rewinding live TV, and digitally recording any program that is aired on television. Government agencies are able to record conversations, track library records, monitor all telecommunications activities and charge coffee purchases to the surveillance subject's credit accounts.

"I really love the fact you can record anything on TV!" said one happy TiVo customer, who has not realized the audio interference experienced while using TiVo is actually the federal government; not the fault of the family cat. "I really enjoy our ability to pick up phone conversations!" stated one FBI agent, who just found out that the family's teenage son is making phone calls to phone sex services. The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) announced its intentions to file a law suit against the Department of Justice to stop the use of TiVo as a surveillance device in an emergency press conference held hours ago.

When reached for a comment, the TiVo company announced it's bold marketing move by offering TiVo in a number of different world markets. The television enhancement service will be extended by the end of 2005 to North Korea, Iran, Iraq, Syria, China, and Afghanistan.

A mandate established

P-L's new Treasurer, Mr. Josh Wennes 

In a flawless land slide victory, Mr. Josh Wennes was elected Monday evening as Prentiss Lucas Hall Council Treasurer, rushing in what historians are now calling "The Wennes Enlightenment Era" of P-L history. The victory established a mandate to broken ping pong tables throughout out P-L's domain "We should use the current funds to repair the broken ping pong table." I hope people write that quote down, words of a true statesman. Congrats Josh, a good start to things to come.

I have been fairly busy lately with my current campaign for WSU Student Senate and that prevents me from posting on this blog frequently, I apologize for this. There's been a lot things going on these past two weeks. This Thursday in Somsen auditorium the Mr. WSU pageant will be held. Student Services committee has been hard at work wrapping up the final touches to pull off a good event, if you'll be in the Winona area on Thursday night I highly recommend attending for it will be fun times!

Here are some random pictures from Saturday's bon fire at Korf's house to celebrate Seth Snyder's return from Marine Corps training. Photos taken by Joe G. Semper Fi!


No possible explanation for this picture, just like modern art. 


Feeling loved by Lue. 

Blunders

The state ultimately responsible for my frustration with this years NCAA Basketball Tournament.

Someone please explain to me why the NCAA Basketball Tournament decided to go insane and completely screw up my bracket?! Anyone?! As a result of all these upsets in the tournament, my chances of winning a 2006 Lincoln Mark LT truck from CBSSportsline.com have gone down the toilet. University of Vermont beating Syracuse?! Didn't even know the sport of basketball existed north of Massachusetts, let alone them knocking off a number four seed. But most of my anger lies with the state of West Virginia, thank you West Virginia for knocking out one of my Final Four picks (Wake Forest) in the second round, every office worker across the United States with a bracket thanks you as well. In fact, because of your win that was not suppose to occur and thus ruining my chances of winning a 2006 Lincoln Mark LT truck from CBSSportsline.com, I think that y'all (West Virginia language) should buy me that car I could of won. I sense a possible letter brewing. Oh and thanks to my so called "sleeper team" for choking and not coming through for me. I'm disappointed with George Washington University for not pulling through for me, I mean you're named after the first president of this country! It is required in order to hold the name of a founding father that you should be able to at least make it to the Sweet Sixteen, you don't even deserve the name "George Washington." Well at least my tournament champion is still in it. Thank you North Carolina, seriously, you fellas didn't choke when all of your other high ranking team friends decided to conspire against my chances of winning a car.

Bushism: "And there's no doubt in my mind, not one doubt in my mind, that we will fail." - Washington, DC; October 4, 2001

Mocha Withdrawal Marathon: 53 hours, 29 minutes without a mocha.
Results of Mocha Withdrawal Marathon: Two major spelling errors on one campaign flier for Jared Stene for WSU Senate (Campaign Blog). The biggest one was when someone kindly pointed out that instead of my last name of STENE in a caption, I wrote the word STATE instead. The good man Josh Wennes helped me out for about a good 45 minutes going to each of my fliers around campus and fixing the error with a white out tape pen. Thank you Mr. Wennes for your help, and thank you Mom for the white out tape pen.

Link of the Day: Guess the Dictator or Sit-Com Character. This thing will literally blow your mind away! You think of a person that is either a known dictator or a television sit-com character and then answer Yes or No questions as it guesses your person. It has guessed every single person I have picked, fun website to play with when you're bored.

Throwing my hat in.....

Jared Stene for WSU Senate. Vote for Jared on April 5! 

I am pleased to announce today my candidacy for the sophomore position on the WSU Student Senate! You can learn more on my campaign by visiting the official Jared Stene for Senate Blog.

If you're interested in sporting the official Jared for WSU Senate sticker, email me through the Jared Stene for Senate Blog.

If you attend Winona State and will be a sophomore next semester, I ask that you please vote for me on April 5 and to encourage all of your friends to do the same!

"Full STENE ahead on April 5!"

Socizzle Security

I was reading Talking Points Memo and I noticed a commentary by a blogger about a recent New York Times article talking about how President Bush's sales pitch on privatized social security is not attracting the youth demographic. Then the article goes on to interview advertising people and "experts" on the youth generation to get their take on how the Bush administration should go about targeting young voters to get aboard with the President's plan. This is a quote from the article: "Some suggest replacing Mr. Bush with a star offering broader appeal - like Donald Trump or Arnold Schwarzenegger." Donald Trump?! I know all my friends want to be like Trump, wear what Trump wears, buy what Trump buys, so if he pitches Bush's social security agenda then hell I'll go for it!

If the Bush administration really wants to target the 18 to 29 year olds, I think they should use rap stars, think about that one.


Ludacris, Lil' John with Commander Chizzef (President Bush) in Detroit on the Privatize Dis, Biotch Tour.

In a better effort to pitch Bush's social security plan, the White House announced today that it's kicking off it's Privatize Dis, Biotch Tour 2005. The tour will feature rap stars Ludacris and Lil' John along with the President who will be under the rap name "Commander Chizzef." The tour will make 15 stops through out the United States in order to appeal to the younger generation.

From the kitchen table

I am writing from my kitchen table via a new found neighboring wireless network in sunny Woodburry, Minnesota; home of bad drivers and the definition of suburban sprawl. Every inch of Woodbury must be covered by a Gap, Starbucks or shopping center, or else they have failed in their mission to bring more horrible drivers to the area. Currently there is a small patch of woods that is visible from the apartment's porch, the area is about 70 yards long by 20 yards wide; the City Council has just approved for the building of a mini Subway to serve the 10 families that reside in the apartments and houses near by.

I'd thought I would share something I have found today in all the other blogs and from the New York Times website. I hope that all 15 of you that are reading this blog during my spring break become intrigued or interested in this.

The New York Times has uncovered "prepackaged news" segments that government agencies were creating and distributing to news outlets around the US to promote and propagate certain Bush policies. This comes after the Armstrong Williams scandal, in which a conservative columnist received payments ($240,000 to be exact) from the Bush administration to promote the controversial No Child Left Behind Act without disclosing that he was being paid by the Bush Administration. Trying to find real news and the truth is becoming harder and is becoming a lost art of journalism it seems like. Trusting the main stream media is also becoming harder these days when the government's propaganda films end up being passed off as actual journalism. Read the New York Times article via MichaelMoore.com here. I watched one of the "news" segments on the actual New York Times site and it reminded me of the 1940's and 1950's news reel propaganda films shown in movie houses across the country, you can access the videos by clicking on "New York Times" on the link I post above and then navigating to the actual article.

I found this on a TV infomercial at 3 am, Bible on DVD. It's the Bible on a DVD, I thought this was interesting and mildly funny.

Rick Howden is currently in the Caribbean right now. He was being some what of a dork last week while constantly bringing up the fact that he is going to the Caribbean and made it his mission to rub in that fact to everyone he encountered. Rick was also thinking about staying down there forever and not coming back while adopting the "Jimmy Buffet lifestyle." Thank you Rick for pointing out the fact that you are in a island paradise while I am spending spring break in 30 degree snowy weather. What to read Rick's blog and post evil comments pointing out the rare bad weather that occurs in the Virgin Islands?! Click here to visit Rick's Blog.

I successfully single handedly balanced Minnesota's budget! I checked out MPR's Budget Balancer and gave my go at balancing the budget, hell I even created a surplus. Click here to view my budget suggestion for the state.

Spring Break

The Mocha. My spring break, only they'll mostly be from Caribou.

It's SPRING BREAK!! I do not have any formal plans right now as of what I am doing but I plan on doing some studying, starting up the ol' propaganda machine again, sip on a lot of mochas, try to find my hazmat suit, and wait for a response from the City of Lake City.

Here are some links you can enjoy over spring break when I'm not updating SFP & FM very often:
Buy a Support Kerry '08 blue bracelet! Rick and I both have one of these!

Kicking Ass The Democratic National Committee official blog.

Conan O'Brien Walker Texas Ranger Clips By far the most hilarious things on TV now. My personal favorite is the Clip #2 collection, thanks to Commissioner Dunlay for showing me this link.

Conan Clips Clips of one of the most hilarious shows on TV from the official NBC Conan O'Brien website.

State of Minnesota Budget Balancer Think you have what it takes to balance the state budget for Minnesota?! Try your fiscal policy skills with this fun program from the Minnesota Public Radio website, I learned about this today in my American Politics class with Prof. Downs today.

Fish Bowl DC The blog of the first bloggers ever to sit in on the White House Press Corps, which took place earlier in the week.

Talking Points Memo Another well known political leftist blog, I personally check this one every day.

Bushism: [A]s you know, these are open forums, you're able to come and listen to what I have to say." -Washington DC; October 28, 2003

United States to Annex Baja From Mexico

New map of the United States with the recently annexed Baja. Two new states West Florida & Bushigan were added to the union.

CRAWFORD, Texas (SFP & FM)--In a surprising international development, the United States and Mexico reached an agreement for the United States to annex the Baja California territories from Mexico. As a result of this annexation, two new states were added to the United States; West Florida and Bushigan, which is named after the former US President George H.W. Bush. Helping to bring the deal into a reality, Chairman of the political committee People for a More Symmetrical America (PFAMSA) Patrick Dunlay brought the two world leaders to the table to negotiate this new deal. Dunlay is now a presidential appointed commissioner of the Baja Annexation Commission designed to over see the new addition to the US.

"It gives me great honor today, to use our already great relationship with our Spanish speaking neighbors of the south to help make the United States a more symmetrical country, geographically. I'd like to personally thank Commissioner Dunlay for helping President Fox and I come to terms and annex Baja." President Bush remarked at the news conference held at his ranch in Crawford, Texas.


President Fox of Mexico with Commissioner Dunlay and President Bush

PFAMSA was created three years ago as a lobbying group for a symmetrical America.

"I mean look at the US map, it just makes sense to annex Baja and make the country symmetrical." said Commissioner Dunlay.

Dunlay's previous diplomatic experience came from his experience in student government at Tartan High School (Oakdale, MN); which was valid enough for President Bush to appoint him as Head Commissioner of a government commission. The new land acquisition creates a shake up in the current Congressional system as well as modification to the current Electoral College system. Special elections will be held in next three months to elect representatives to Congress as well as new governors. West Florida and Bushigan are now the hot travel spots for the United States, which has witnessed an exodus of travelers in the past 24 hours.

I'm Googleized & In Space!

I'm Googleized!

It gives me great pleasure to announce that this blog is now appearing on Google! Everyone should take out their planners, calendars and write this date down for you are witnessing world history. I also found out that by Googleing “Jared Stene” that a number of different things come up, including this blog.

”Jared Stene” on Google

Now I Googled my name because I’m currently trying to locate all of my long lost websites and pages I have produced over the course of my internet career. This is certainly no easy task. But after I Googled my name I made a number of fascinating discoveries. First of all, my letter to Snoop Dogg appears on the very top of the search results, very shizzle. Then a number of different entries from this blog, as well as different pages from the Student Senate website and Winonan website that have to deal with my associate senator position. There’s a promotional page from Dickinson State’s Business Challege program which I attended in the summers before junior and senior year of high school. There’s a bad picture of me on that page, maybe you can find it. Another finding from Google is a web page listing the 2001 State Freestyle Qualifiers. I’m listed in the heavy weight division at the bottom of the page but they have me from Totino- Grace, I went to Tartan, they screwed up. Also I never wrested a match in order to qualify for state, I was that “intimidating.” The Bored Club page appeared as well, it was club that was started in high school in order to prevent boredom.

Now the biggest discovery that caught my attention was my name being listed on a NASA website. First I thought that it could be a different Jared P Stene, but I clicked on the page and my family was listed as well. Now why is my family listed on a NASA website?! Apparently my name, and those of my family, is on a microchip on the Stardust comet probe satellite! During the State Fair ’98 our family visited the NASA/JPL booth in the technology building, and eventually some how signed a list of names to be sent to space. I soon learned that it is common practice that NASA gathers names from the public to be placed on space probes. My name is one of over 1 million names aboard the Stardust probe that is flying to a comet to gather samples and return to Earth in 2006. Currently the Stardust probe is 312,605,000 miles away from Earth. Now I can use this tid bit in interviews and put in my resume as “Name listed on NASA space probe currently positioned 312,605,000 miles from Earth.” In the event that the probe is captured by aliens, I would be one of the first million people for them to probe. It is because of this I am drafting the “Jared Stene Anti Body Cavity Invision Defense Plan” or JSABCIDP for short just in case ET and his sick little friends decide to stick it to me, literally.


The microchip carrying my name in space aboard the Stardust Space probe.

You can find my name on the Stardust website by clicking here. The name is near the bottom of the list in alphabetical order.

Last night I was watching the channel KTTC that is out of Rochester, MN then a commercial appeared for the Minute Man Indoor Gun Range. It was by far the one of the most freighting things I have seen on TV, next to the TV show Cheaters on the WB. The ad tries to draw females to the gun range and tries to use sex appeal as well to entice new customers. The end of the commercial has a woman saying “Girls just wanna have fun!” and then she draws her hand gun and shots a target that explodes. Who would have thought that an indoor gun range would run TV commercials? I’m most definitely in a conservative area, with bad TV. Minute Man Indoor Gun Range

Frogs and Conspiracy

One of the coolest home decorations I have encountered

I was looking at my picture collection this evening and I dug up this one I took at Holly's house over winter break. They're frogs, that are playing instruments! Aren't they cool?! I really like them for some reason. It's appropriate at this time to mention that my camera is actually in Spain right now being used by my Uncle for his trip there. So if you've noticed that a lot of the pictures lately haven't really been of recent things, with the exception of my tattoo for which I borrowed Chris' camera. Since I don't have my camera yet, this month's Crazy Winonan of the Month Award won't be awarded till the end of the month, or maybe in very early April. I personally believe that I can't not accurately convey the craziness of the winner of this award without some sort of visual aid.

Last week, a member of the 9-11 commission, Michael Hurly, visited WSU to give a speech on the global war on terrorism as well as working for the government. Overall I think that in the end his speech was more of a motivational speech to inspire us to join the government. At one point he was so motivational I was expecting him to say "I lived in a van, down by the river." But I found one of his arguments interesting though. He stated that terrorism stems from world poverty, and that terrorists are products of a poverty stricken area and grow anger towards the United States for their current situation. If you think about it though, there is some validness to his argument. I would also go on to say that the current administration is not doing a good job on handling the issue of world poverty. I've been reading various reports that Bush is coming up short on funding various poverty relief funds that he promised to fund during his first term. Which doesn't surprise me at all, because after all it costs a lot to invade other countries and go after fictional weapons of mass destruction. Yesterday, when I was walking through Minne Hall here at WSU I noticed posters on several message boards a posting with the bold statement "YOU ARE BEING LIED TOO." After that caught my attention I decided to walk over to it and read what it had to say. Apparently it was from a conspiracy theorist stating that Michael Hurly is a liar and it goes on to discuss various things like a number of the hijackers are still alive, that the 9-11 Commission did a poor job and members were influenced by oil companies, even going to the extent that an airplane didn't actually hit the Pentagon on 9-11. I think that its very interesting this day and age the various conspiracy theories that develop over time, things from the JFK assignation to the moon landings all have had their die hard conspiracy theorists. Though I don't agree with most of what was on the posting I encountered, but I do think that conspiracy theorists can sometimes provide some valid information and certain way of seeing things that are not covered by our consumer based media. I'm going to try and get a copy of that flier and try posting it on here just to give an example of what is being said.

In other happenings I attended a meeting today for the New U Ad Hoc committee which was established in response to the student referendum vote to not support the New U plan. The goal of the committee is to provide information and try to raise awareness of the strong student voice that opposes the New U and its potential tuition increase of $1000 to Winona State students. I'd like to remind WSU students to start voicing your concerns and opposition to the administration of our dear Winona State, to let them know that "No, we don't want a tuition increase" and force them to start listening to us and that they should start taking action to lower this potential fee. I posted a special button on the top right area of this blog to help you out with that. I will provide more information on the New U subject as it comes.

Bushism: "This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table."—Brussels, Belgium, Feb. 22, 2005

Today's Exciting but Mundane Activity Jared Did: Went to Menard's with Flynn and Kari for Student Services committee to buy atomic clocks for the van service to and from West Campus. I tried finding a pick axe there for a special project of mine but failed to find one, I also want a blow horn too, but couldn't that either.

Jared's New Aspiration: I aspire to find and purchase a hazmat suit similar to the one that is featured by the Beastie Boys in their music video for "Intergalactic." Wouldn't be cool to run around Winona in it and randomly break dance on certain corners?! Maybe I need to start a new charity to fund this aspiration. Which reminds me, The Jared Stene Coffee Growers Support is still taking donations! You'll find a link to my entry about it on the right hand side of this page.

Link of the Day: Conspiracy Planet Right now it's featuring an article authored by Giuliana Sgrena, who is the Italian journalist who was recently shot at by American troops at a traffic check point in Iraq. The article is about possibly use of naplam in Falluja and the editor of the website implies that this article might be a reason why US forces shot at her vehicle, which resulted in the death of an Italian security agent.

On A Mission

VanGuston McOlson in action to set a world record of "Most Annoying Asshole"

BIWABIK, Minnesota (SFP & FM)--In a life long quest to become Guinness World Record's "Most Annoying Asshole," VanGuston McOlson announced the launch of his US tour to spread his annoyingness. A former resident of the iron-range town Biwabik, MN (population 934), McOlson established a long track record of annoying citizens. In 1993, a town referendum voted 831- 42 to kick McOlson out of his residence located downtown on the basis that his cow bell became too annoying. McOlson currently resides in exile 15 miles north of Biwabik in a log cabin. It has been rumored that during certain times of day his cow bell can still be heard faintly by some residents and school children.

"They can take away my land but they can't take away my dream to be annoying with a cowbell" McOlson commented during a press conference held to announce his new US tour.

Recently McOlson was spotted at Giant's Ridge Skiing area during a Minnesota State High School cross country ski race. Although Mr. McOlson did have troubles initially obtaining a security clearance for his bell, he was eventually cleared moments before the race began by the management of Giant's Ridge. During the race he achieved his annoying status after being on the ski grounds for no more than 6 minutes. Today McOlson just announced a 60-stop "annoying tour" which spans to both coasts along with stops in every state in the continental US with the exception of Rhode Island and Oregon. The goal of the tour is to earn McOlson a spot in the Gunniess World Record book as "Most Annoying Asshole." This title is currently held by Tobais Dingledorfhoffer of Stockholm, Sweden by means of yolding set back in 1933.

The sheriff of New Salem, North Dakota announced his intentions of arresting McOlson after learning that his town is on the 60-stop tour. Sheriff John Randaowski released a statement announcing his intentions to arrest VanGuston McOlson in violation of a city ordinance which states that any cow bell ringing is illegal within 20 miles of New Salem Sue, the world's largest cow and icon of the western North Dakotan town. McOlson released a statement two hours after Randaowski's statement.

The statement read: "I fully intend to press on with my current tour schedule to achieve my dream regardless of threats of area law enforcement agencies, especially in the town of New Salem, ND. Any arrests will be conceived as a violation of my 1st amendment constitutional rights and I will fight any charges to the best of my ability in order to gain the title of "Most Annoying Asshole."

The sheriff's office in New Salem was not able to be reached for comment regarding McOlson's new proclamation but local bloggers report that the sheriff is about to request additional man power from nearby Dickinson to deal with the new potential threat. The tour will be launched on March 11, 2005 in Proctor, Minnesota.

Tran vs. VFW

What started as an extra credit assignment for my dear friend Tony Tran for a class at NDSU turned into a Fargo veteran group battling him on the opinion pages of The Fargo Forum.

Tran had to write his opinion and reaction to the recent efforts of the local VFW attempting to repeal the local smoking ban in order to generate more business to the VFW. Going into this all Tran wanted was to get extra credit, he actually didn't even know anything about the VFW. Tran's opinion for extra credit ended up being published in the local major newspaper, The Fargo Forum. A few days later, Mr. Tran saw a published rebuttal in the same newspaper that took Tran's letter only this was from a local VFW member. Lucky for Tran this VFW member appears to be a very staunch conservative, and now Tran walks the streets of Fargo with fear that at any moment a senior citizen could attack him.

Click here to read the letters and witness the worse case scenario that could happen from an extra credit assignment.

My Tattoo

My New Tattoo

Well, I went through with it. Recently I have been thinking about tattoos and getting my ideal tattoo, which would be the American icon Paul Bunyan and his side kick Babe the Blue Ox. These days, skulls, eagles and barb wire bands are so lame. Friday afternoon I decided to go and get it, and it hurt like hell! It was pretty expensive too, because of all the colors. I won't say exactly how much but I'll just say it was more than $50. Sorry to all of you Winona people who I didn't tell yet. I figured I'd show it off when it was unwrapped and completed. I decided to walk to the tattoo place by myself so that way I don't get distracted or anyone talk me out of it. Hope everyone likes it, because I certainly do. If you don't, Paul Bunyan's ghost will haunt you!

I also wrote a letter to the City of Lake City on Saturday. I posted it below so I invite you to read it and perhaps send your own letter to City of Lake City to advocate for my new idea to improve their town.

Bushism: "It's good to see so many friends here in the Rose Garden. This is our first event in this beautiful spot, and it's appropriate we talk about policy that will affect people's lives in a positive way in such a beautiful, beautiful part of our national--really, our national park system, my guess is you would want to call it." - Washington, DC; February 8, 2001

Today's Exciting But Mundane Activity Jared Did: Took off the wraps from my tattoo. Man did that hurt! But its so damn cool!

Today's Quote from Jared's Roommate, the Nepali named Bishwas: "I'll never forget to lock the doors!" -After watching the new Discovery Channel show called "It Takes A Thief." Its a new show where ex-burglars pick random houses in neighborhoods and then tries to break in and steal as much stuff as they can in order to test the security and ease of breaking into their homes. As the burglars break in, the host sits with the family who owns the house in a van and they watch the house being broken into on closed circuit TV. Its my new favorite show! Click here for the show's website.

Link of the Day: Internet Archive.org A cool website with a lot of cool old school films. Things like WW2 news reels, anti-communism films, this is where I found my Duck & Cover film. Very cool site.

Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do and no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated

Letter to the City of Lake City

The following letter was sent by Jared on March, 5 2005 to the City of Lake City:

City of Lake City
205 W. Center Street
Lake City, MN 55041

City of Lake City-

It has come to my attention from various road trips through your great city that you are known as the “Birth Place of Water-Skiing.” To my disappointment, each time I am passing through your city I find no one to be water skiing on Lake Pepin. But I have crafted a wonderful idea to maintain your water-skiing status, and that is to require citizens of your great city to water ski on Lake Pepin at least two separate one hour shifts per year in order to maintain a constant 24 hour water skiing presence on Lake Pepin. This way, when people come to visit or pass through Lake City, they can always see someone water skiing and the claim as “The Birth Place of Water-Skiing” would therefore be strengthened.

As we all know that there are 8,760 hours in a standard calendar year, but according to the United States Census Bureau the population of Lake City as of 2000 is 4,950. In order to maintain a 24 hour/365 day presence on Lake Pepin, each citizen ages 16 and up would be assigned a minimum of two one hour shifts at the beginning of each new year. If citizens below the age of 16 know how to water ski and would like to participate in this fun activity to promote the city, they may do so upon submitting a written request. In the case of some citizens not being able to physically water ski for a number of different reasons, they can be exempted from this upon written request. In the end, with all citizens below the age of 16 replacing the citizens unable to water ski, the 24 hour/365 window should not be a problem to cover. If some citizens are avid water skiing enthusiasts and enjoy water skiing, they can water ski in place of another citizen’s shift. During the hours of the day where there isn’t any light (better known as night time), lights from strategic locations on the shores of Lake Pepin can illuminate the water skiing area. In the winter months a large hole in the iced covered lake can be carved in order prevent damage to boats or water skiers in the water skiing area.

Having a 24 hour/365 day water skiing presence on Lake Pepin can benefit Lake City in numerous ways. It can be a business attraction to generate revenue for the local economy. This plan can also attract a large following of non- Lake City citizens water skiers who notice the citizens of Lake City having fun water skiing constantly and would prompt these outsiders to stay a while and water ski, this also can generate revenue for the local economy and possibly spur population growth for those who decide to make Lake City their home and join the fun. Thank you for your time and cooperation, please inform me of your thoughts or ideas on my plan to maintain Lake City’s title as the “Birth Place of Water-Skiing” and to make Lake City a better place for all.

Sincerely,
Jared Stene
Student


Write your own letter to the City of Lake City to promote and advocated Jared's great idea!

Militant Jared

2nd Amendment Jared

Fight those damn commies! YEEEAAAAHHHHH! Yes, I need an AK-47 to eliminate Rocky the Squirrel. Then get the RPG for Bambi. RPG stands for Rocket Propelled Grenade for you damn tree huggers. This is probably the most Republican/Hickish picture that is or will ever be taken of me. No, I don't actually think I need an AK-47 or RPGs to hunt wildlife or protect myself from those "damn Yankee Feds and their whirly bird helicopters." I personally become frightened by the 2nd Amendment protection movement in this country. Websites like this tend to scare me/provide entertainment. And yes, I think they should repeal concealed carry in the state of Minnesota in case you haven't noticed it in my entry called "Making Ass of Myself is Fun." The only gun I own now shoots nerf darts, and I plan on keeping it at that. I was just looking over my picture collection and just thought to post this one up, that's actually my real war face. Don't laugh asshole, that's the face of hell on earth! I'd know that if was fighting a gun battle and saw my enemy with that face I'd soil myself.

While on the subject of being "militant" I'm not a fan of Holy Angels right now. They defeated my Titans last night in the Class AA MN State Hockey Tournament semi-final game with a score of 4-2. It was a nice game though I thought, we put up a good fight against a team that should of killed us without mercy. But like typical Tartan fashion, we lost it in the end. Though I have a feeling this might be a start of something good for Tartan Hockey, just need to get over the DWI charges and drug use. In the end, maybe it makes sense to loose to a team called "Holy Angels." I'd think it would be like playing Vatican High School's Fighting Priests. Not a game to use trash talk in, or you might get struck by lighting. For the championship game on Saturday I'm still sticking to my prediction of celebrity actor Burt Reynolds making a special appearance and then single handedly winning the hockey game. Why? Because he's Burt, and that mustache of his can make anyone stop skating and lay down.

Civil Defense

Cat is reminded to "Duck & Cover" by Burt the Turtle.

Ocho showed me this picture yesterday. Why is this funny to me? I think it's because its late and large amounts of caffeine. I was reminded of the "Duck and Cover" movie that was made back in the 1950's to instruct kids of what to do in a nuclear attack.
"Remember kids, when you see the flash, duck and cover, and do it fast!"
Of course we all know that by ducking and covering ourselves we are protected from being vaporized from a 200 kiloton nuclear weapon. Interested in watching the Duck and Cover video? You can find it in QuickTime format here. It's probably the best quality streaming video I could find on the internet.

MARTHA STEWART IS FREE! Well, just when you thought it was safe to watch "high quality reality tv" (bullshit), Martha Stewart comes back from prison to torture us again with her tv show. I heard that the first episode's title will be titled "Prison: Be Someone's Bitch or Make Someone Your Bitch" Looking forward to the recipes that come out that one.

Let's see what else was in the news, oh yeah, some rich guy few an airplane solo around the world non-stop. I actually watched his landing on CNN, it was interesting but in the end one must ask themselves this: Does anyone really give a shit if some rich mofo flies an airplane around the world? The reason I watched the landing is because I wanted to see if the guy screws up and like lands/crashes like 100 ft from the runway. Now that would be hilarious! The headlines would be this if that happened: "Billionare Fucks Up And Lands 100 ft Short of Flying Around the World" With my luck something like that would happen to me if I tried to fly around the world. It'd play out like this:
Mission Control: Now Jared, you're almost there buddy! Don't screw this up and pay attention!
Pilot Jared: Roger that Control, I'm A-OK for landing!...Hey is that a Caribou Coffee off the port wing?! OH SHIT! I accidentally let go of the controls, and I think I landed. DAMNIT!
Mission Control: Way to go dipshit, you're a natural Charles Lindburgh.

Bushism: "We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like you like to be liked yourself." - Financial Times; January 14, 2000

Today's Exciting but Mundane Activity Jared Did: Went to the Horatio Sanz comedy show that was here at WSU. I must say, I enjoyed it. Some people don't like improv but it's funny how absurd it gets quickly.

Link of the Day: Free Martha.org
The official organization set up to advocate for Martha Stewart. I honestly don't know what to make of this.

Ground Control to Major Tom, Ground Control to Major Tom, take your protein pills and put your helmet on.

Administrators Just Don't Understand

Trying to stop the New U butterfly before takes more of my money for a nonsense plan.

Rick pointed out an interesting article that was posted on the Cyber Indee today, an interview of Carol Anderson talking about the recent No vote in the New U referendum.

The article can be found here on the Cyber Indee Referendum called mostly uninformed

Don't administrators get it?! NO, we don't want to pay an extra $1000 for a program that doesn't make sense and for programs that the majority of the students don't want. The students have strongly voiced their opposition but the administrators aren't listening. They say we don't understand the program, what's there to understand besides the bottom line here? When students try to learn and understand the New U or listen to a presentation their concerns or questions over the $1000 are ignored or not addressed at all. I think its time to start letting them know that no means no and we don't want to pay this.

WSU STUDENTS: Email the New U committee directly and let them know that we don't want to pay $1000 and that changes to the plan are needed: newu@winona.edu

They can't neglect our concerns any longer without consequences. More on this later.

Making Ass of Myself is Fun

Jared making ass of himself at the Winona Target.

I have recently concluded a scientific study that studied the effects and ways of how I make an ass of myself in public places as well as the ass making ways of other individuals. It has been concluded that making an ass of myself is in fact a fun activity and a natural pass time of Americans everywhere, other subjects of the study agreed with this conclusion. This study then goes on to recommend that any laws that might harm the practice of "making an ass of thyself" should be stricken from state law books in order to prevent injury or death to people who wish to participle in this newly found pass time. Laws in Minnesota, such as the Conceal & Carry statue, could harm ass making citizens by being shot by concealed weapon holders who may mistake these asses as a threat to personal safety. For example, in the photo above, a near by concealed weapon holder could infer that I am about to throw this interior display and harm him or her. But in fact, the real intent was to make an ass of myself. Just something to think about....

Bushism: "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." -US News & World Report; January 3, 2000

Today's Exciting But Mundane Activity Jared Did: Was allowed to take a time saving detour through the Science Hall after walking back from Hardee's with Chris. Butch the Janitor was nice enough to let cut through the Science Hall. Butch then went on to advise us from getting too drunk over the weekend but to have fun.

Link of the Day: Shotgun Golf with Bill Murray by Hunter S. Thompson
A very hilarious piece about a new sport Dr. Hunter S. Thompson created.

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.

Death of a Cell Phone

Old cell phone found after it dismantled itself after hearing news of being replaced by a young model.

WINONA, Minnesota (SFP & FM)-- Jared's old cell phone has dismantled itself out of grief after it heard the news that it has been replaced by younger, more technologically advanced model. It was found on a desk last Friday evening with a note saying "You'll regret not using me anymore, I rotated damnit!" Jared's new cell phone, a color model Siemens brand phone, could not be reached for a comment after several phone calls. But later put out a statement through it's publicists saying: "....though it is tragic to hear such news about Jared's older phone, I must point out that I am by far cooler because I light up around the edges during incoming calls and have a color display. Besides, people will forget about the older phone in a few weeks anyways." Plans for the casing of the old phone are still being planned. But an anonymous inside associate of Jared indicated that the casing might possibly be placed in the top drawer of his dorm room desk next to the 20 plus empty Altoid tins that currently occupy the space.

Jared's Rant: WHO GIVES TWO SHITS ABOUT MICHAEL JACKSON'S TRIAL?! They should put the guy to jail for shitty music after the releasing of his last album. Seriously, we all know he did it, we all know he's not all there, so just put him away and get on with life. If a non-celebrity guy admitted that he likes to sleep in the same bed with children that are not his own just for the hell of it and molested some kids he would of been sleeping in the same bed with a guy named Duke behind bars after 3 weeks from when he was arrested. Just because he's got money and at one point made good music doesn't mean he can get away with creepy crap. Also I am getting sick of all the media hype around the case. "Today defense attorneys for the Michael Jackson trial took a crap in a court house bathroom." There is by far much more important things going on in the world that deserve media coverage than some guy who thinks he's Peter Pan.

Here's a random thought: Wouldn't it be cool to hire your own group of paparazzi? This way you can work out an agreement with your paid paparazzi and in way control what they take pictures of or where they hide so they don't completely scare the shit out of you. Then when you get famous and the evil non-hired-by-you-paparazzi people come and take photos of you brushing your teeth and stuff they can get scared away by your own friendly force of paparazzi who by then will be trained in judo to kick their asses. Everyone's a winner, except for the evil paparazzi who got their asses handed to them by your trained force of judo choppin photo takers. Then later you can use this same force to take over a small island in the eastern Pacific and re-name it Jaredonia, while at the same time have some really good pictures for a kick ass slide show after your retirement. No one will care that you took over a small island because it doesn't have oil on it, and military forces that belong to large capitalist countries won't take you over because of this fact. In the end, this real estate success can be all owed to the fact that you hired your own paparazzi/judo trained force before you became famous.

Bushism: "I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein."-Washington, D.C., May 25, 2004

Today's Exciting But Mundane Activity Jared Did: Swore at a math problem about augmented matrices in finite math. Those things are shitty indeed.

Link of the Day: What you are.
Fun thing to play with when you're bored.

We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind, 'cause your friends don't dance and if they don't dance, well they're no friends of mine.