Friday, May 27, 2005

World's Largest Yak

Not sure how many of you have noticed the new website dedicated the Lake City battle, but a committee has been formed to advocate for the issue. Lake City for Water Skiing Progress Committee is now the official organization developed to bring 24 hour water skiing to the "Birthplace of Water Skiing." I am now thinking about ordering some stationary and letter head for the next phases of the campaign. I'm very disappointed to report that there is still no new response from Lake City since my May 5 letter. It has also come to my attention that more letters to Lake City may be considered harassment and constitute grounds for a legal battle in which I am not prepared to fight yet. It has been decided by LCWSPC that the campaign will now take a new, less vocal road and take an alternative route. But be aware, this DOES NOT mean the fight is being abandoned, just reformed.

With that said, I'm please to announce the new campaign by Stick Figure Pirate & Flying Monkeys: lobby the City of Oakdale, Minnesota to build the "World's Largest Yak." A yak, as defined by Google's dictionary service, is a wild, shaggy-haired ox (Bos grunniens) of the mountains of central Asia. The letter to the City of Oakdale is still being drafted by Yak Committee members but will be available for public viewing on this blog soon. A number of locations through out Oakdale is possible for this grand tourist attraction that will do nothing but benefit the city. Our primary locations are either near City Hall or over Interstate 694 so that motorists can drive under the yak. This yak will be actually a yak statue similar to the World's Largest Cow in New Salem, North Dakota and will be at least 45 feet tall and no taller than 50 stories.

Possible location for Oakdale's World's Largest Yak. Posted by Hello

It's all about improving municipal governments here at Stick Figure Pirates & Flying Monkeys, from 24 hour water skiing at Lake City, MN to the World's Largest Yak in Oakdale, MN.

Bushism: "See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda." -Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005

Book I am currently reading: On Bullshit by Harry G. Frankfurt

Link of the Day: Celebrity Tippers An on going list complied by various waiters/waitresses across the country of which celebrities tip excellent or horrible.

Cake refused to conform with advertisers hollow image of what a cakes should be:

Posted by Hello
It's not how you're judged on the outside, Cake!

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Sugar Loaf Falls!

Winona icon, Sugar Loaf, before and after its fall.  Posted by Hello

WINONA, Minnesota (SFP & FM)- Beloved symbol and 100 year old Winona icon, Sugar Loaf, fell today after an extensive period of rain that has plagued the area for the past several weeks. Mass chaos and rioting has taken place in Winona in the past 12 hours since the formation’s fall.

“It’s the end of the world!” said Winona resident Christopher Bandaman as he proceeded to loot the Downtown Adult Bookstore amidst the large mob of panicky citizens.

Winona’s mayor, Jerry Miller, as called an emergency meeting of top government officials to address the tragic events that have engulfed Winona. Possible hyperinflation and economic depression threatens the area due the large amount of money that will be needed to rid Winona of all Sugar Loaf references, images and stationary.

A recently formed cult called the Loafians has called for the resignation of Mayor Miller after blaming him for the fall of the symbol. The militant arm of the Loafians has reportedly invaded various buildings in the city.

“I’ve warned Miller countless times that this was going to happen soon” stated Loafian leader Miles McGyster. “It’s time to replace Miller with a strong confident lead who will lead us out of this crisis, Winona Ryder.”

Actress Winona Ryder, possible new Mayor of Winona, MN. Posted by Hello

Ryder, an actress and movie star with no political experience, could not be reached for comment or position on the new job offer. Rumors have spread through out the city that Ryder was en route to Winona to take over the mayoral position and restore order. In the mean time, Minnesota Army National Guard troops have been deployed to the city to stop the rioting, which already has claimed over 30 lives and the destruction of the local Wal Mart.

Friday, May 06, 2005

No Pants Day

No Pants Day, as American as apple pie and baseball.Posted by Hello

Today, May 6, the first Friday of May is No Pants Day. A national/worldwide holiday where the wearing of pants is not allowed. You can visit the banner above this post for more information. I was blessed to discover No Pants Day while looking at a flier at Blue Heron, and now I ask that you join in No Pants Day. My public display of non-pants wearing might be limited due to the fact that Woodbury might jail me on sight for not wearing pants, but the revolution starts with one brave act of breaking the law.

The final day of WSU was spent spreading the sport of jowling. You can learn more about jowling by visiting Jowlers.com or you can refer to one of my recent entries in which I discuss the sport and tactics. Bring on the jowlers!

Carla and Andrea jowling, the first female WSU Jowlers, something that they will both put on their resumes and applications.Posted by Hello

Brandon jowling, this technique is improving a little but I think his off season work will really pay off for when we start back up again in the Fall.Posted by Hello

My best jowling attempt to date. Posted by Hello

Tony's first jowling ever, no longer a jowling virgin! That a boy Tony, that a boy.Posted by Hello

Pete with some 8th floor Sheehan jowling action.Posted by Hello

Mike with the decent first jowling, well done Mike.Posted by Hello

Bushism: "He understands the need for a timely write of the constitution." — on Prime Minister Iyad Allawi of Iraq, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

Link of the Day: Give Bush A Brain! A cool game you can play when you are bored, and anti-Bush. Its actually some what challenging.

Unlikely Workplace Memo:

Tony Tran's work bathroom memo.Posted by Hello

This was displayed in the men's bathroom of Tony Tran's work. Something Tran will look forward to when he returns from Fargo.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Summer Goals for 2005

Summer has finally reached the campus of Winona State, thus marking the end of my freshman year of college. I’m afraid that this will be my last entry as a first year college student. This past year has been an enjoyable experience and I have had the distinct pleasure of meeting new people and partaking in many adventures here in the city of Winona, it is my hope that we will still remain in touch through out the summer and next year. When I first started this blog back in January I have never envisioned this to last this long and to be such fun way to maintain my sanity. Thank you very much for taking the time to visit Stick Figure Pirates & Flying Monkeys and I hope you still come back during the summer as well as next year. Being that I do not have adequate access to a high speed internet connection this summer, I will be forced to update this blog about twice a week, instead of my daily goal of updating. This summer will be spent enjoying life at Caribou as well as working, please feel free to get in touch with me to enjoy mochas together. Do not fear though, I have a drafted a loose list of goals for the summer:

1. Present my water skiing proposal to the city of Lake City.

Today I sent another letter to Lake City after not hearing from them for a month since their original response.

City of Lake City
205 W. Center Street
Lake City, MN 55041

City of Lake City-

Thank you very much for the rapid response after I sent my second letter regarding my 24 hour water skiing proposal on Lake Pepin. I am very pleased that this important proposal was forwarded to the local chamber of commerce and I ask that they consider the numerous benefits my proposal can bring to Lake City.

Just in case you can not remember my proposal I shall give you a short synopsis. After passing through Lake City numerous times en route to Winona State University I have noticed that Lake City, the proclaimed birthplace of water skiing, does not feature anyone water skiing on Lake Pepin. Bewildered by this notion I have designed a plan that will feature water skiers on Lake Pepin 24 hours a day, 7 days a week in order to retain the legitimacy of Lake City’s claim as the birthplace of water skiing. I would like to use the city of New Salem, North Dakota as an example of municipal government accountability. If you are not aware New Salem, ND is the home of the World’s Largest Cow “New Salem Sue.” New Salem’s claim as the home of the World’s Largest Cow is legitimate due to the fact you can see the 32 foot tall cow from any vantage point of the city, especially from the main highway that services New Salem, Interstate 94. This is not the case in regards to Lake City, where you can not see any water skiers on Lake Pepin. I am aware that Lake City does hold an annual festival featuring water skiing, but I am afraid that it is the popular opinion of a vast number of my colleagues at Winona State and the state of Minnesota abroad that this is merely not enough to support Lake City’s claim as the birthplace water skiing. My proposal will produce nothing but positive benefits for the great city of Lake City and will reinforce the title as birthplace of water skiing. If any officials in the Lake City government would like to meet with me to discuss further details of my plan I will be happy to come to Lake City and meet with officials and address any concerns that may arise. I ask that you please contact me at my new summer office address which is on the top of this letter to set up any meetings. Thank you very much for your time and I look forward to phasing in this great proposal to improve the already great city of Lake City.

Jared Stene

If you would like to send your own letter to Lake City, let me know and I can help you out! You can see my first letter by clicking on the link under “Posts of Fame.”

2. Obtain another pair of bowling shoes for school year 05-06.

The current condition of my bowling shoes.Posted by Hello

As you can see, I need another pair of bowling shoes. This summer I will some how obtain another pair because bowling shoes are comfortable and very fashionable. Note to Dunn- I’ll need you’re help again for this mission.

3. Survive the Red State Penetration Mission 2005 trip.

The Red State of North Dakota Posted by Hello

For my July 4 holiday I was recently informed that I will be going to the state of North Dakota. In the past two presidential elections North Dakota went to GW Bush, thus making it a Red State. As many of you have noticed I am a very much a Democrat so it will be hard for me to visit ND. This is why I have declared this trip to North Dakota as Stick Figure Pirates & Flying Monkeys’ Red State Penetration Mission 2005. I will document and blog my experiences in North Dakota as I travel deep into the redness while maintaining my Democrat ideals and promoting them. Many of you will feel concerned for my personal safety, but please do not be afraid for my life for I am confident that my short distance sprinting ability will buy my a safe window of about 10 seconds. So stick around in July for Red State Penetration Mission 2005!

I’m sure I will do more and experience more this summer, but this is just a short list of goals I have for Summer 05. To my high school friends: LET THE BRU HA HA COMMENCE!

Bushism: "We expect the states to show us whether or not we're achieving simple objectives- like literacy, literacy in math, the ability to read and write." -on federal education requirements, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

Link of the Day: The Official New Salem Sue Website. Take a virtual tour of the world's largest cow that resides in North Dakota. You can take a 360 degree tour of the area; note the flatness of the surroundings.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Man Parachutes off Top of Sheehan Hall

Man BASE jumping off of Sheehan Hall.Posted by Hello

WINONA, Minnesota (SFP & FM) - An anonymous thrill seeker and Winona State student parachuted off the top of the 13 floor Sheehan Hall residential dorm on Monday afternoon. The WSU Security force was unable to catch the jumper, who leaped inside of an idling car parked on Mark Street.

“Dude, if I jump from the highest place around here, the higher my test scores are man.” stated the jumper responding to his motives in an exclusive interview. “Also I wanted to be like Wille Coyote dude, that guy is the shit.”

Wille CoyotePosted by Hello

The jumper asked to be known only as “Skippy.” Skippy later explained that it was a year long goal to become Winona’s first BASE jumper. The acronym “BASE” stands for building, antenna, span, and earth, which are the objects jumpers prefer to make their jumps from. Winona Police later put out a ransom of $10,000 and a ride in the armored anti-riot vehicle for any information that leads to the capture of the dare devil.

University President Darrell Krueger responded to the incident as “a part of the on going ignorance by students.” Krueger also explained that when the New University or Winona Experience plan becomes phased in, a special work group will be assigned to stop BASE jumping. He later expressed some relief in the fact that the jumper did not choose the newly named Darrell W. Krueger Library for his attempt.

WSU Security put out a description of the jumper as being a male, in his early 20’s, 130-250 lbs, 5’3’’-6’8’’ in height. If you have spotted anyone fitting this description please call the Winona Police Department immediately.

Monday, May 02, 2005

The Sport of Jowling

Last week I was introduced to the sport of jowling by Brandon. It's a fun sport to play when you're bored, stressed, or when hanging out with friends. Jowling consists of someone shaking their head as fast as they can and then someone else taking a picture of your head, so it's a two player game, something hard to do for you anti-social types. Well take a look at some of the attempts of jowling over the past few days:

Jared's first attempt at jowlingPosted by Hello

Brandon's shot at jowling, there is room for improvement but I think we'll get it soon.Posted by Hello

Bishwas jowling, not bad.Posted by Hello

Jared's second attempt at jowling, a little bit better than the first one.Posted by Hello

Josh's attempt at jowling, picture turned out fuzzy but definitely rocking the funky hair.Posted by Hello

Jared's recent attempt at jowling, it got too intense for the glasses.Posted by Hello

If you'd like to see more jowling you can visit the official jowlers website at Jowlers.com Want to learn to jowl on your own?! Follow these steps:
1. Relax all of your face muscles and try to keep your eyes and mouth open while you are shaking your head.
2. Shake your head as fast as you can back and forth.
3. Have someone else take a picture with a flash of your head shaking.
4. Admire you jowling efforts with a hopefully crazy looking picture.
WARNING: Jowling causes head aches, dizziness and if done too many times you can faint. Please do not over attempt your jowling. I develop a slight head ache personally when I am done jowling.

Send me your jowling pictures! If you think your efforts are awesome, send the pictures my way and they'll be posted up on here. You can also do what I did and post them on Jowlers.com

Bushism: "It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way." —Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005

Link of the Day: Sound Boards.com Great for prank calling, and boredom.