Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Sugar Loaf Falls!

Winona icon, Sugar Loaf, before and after its fall.  Posted by Hello

WINONA, Minnesota (SFP & FM)- Beloved symbol and 100 year old Winona icon, Sugar Loaf, fell today after an extensive period of rain that has plagued the area for the past several weeks. Mass chaos and rioting has taken place in Winona in the past 12 hours since the formation’s fall.

“It’s the end of the world!” said Winona resident Christopher Bandaman as he proceeded to loot the Downtown Adult Bookstore amidst the large mob of panicky citizens.

Winona’s mayor, Jerry Miller, as called an emergency meeting of top government officials to address the tragic events that have engulfed Winona. Possible hyperinflation and economic depression threatens the area due the large amount of money that will be needed to rid Winona of all Sugar Loaf references, images and stationary.

A recently formed cult called the Loafians has called for the resignation of Mayor Miller after blaming him for the fall of the symbol. The militant arm of the Loafians has reportedly invaded various buildings in the city.

“I’ve warned Miller countless times that this was going to happen soon” stated Loafian leader Miles McGyster. “It’s time to replace Miller with a strong confident lead who will lead us out of this crisis, Winona Ryder.”

Actress Winona Ryder, possible new Mayor of Winona, MN. Posted by Hello

Ryder, an actress and movie star with no political experience, could not be reached for comment or position on the new job offer. Rumors have spread through out the city that Ryder was en route to Winona to take over the mayoral position and restore order. In the mean time, Minnesota Army National Guard troops have been deployed to the city to stop the rioting, which already has claimed over 30 lives and the destruction of the local Wal Mart.


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